Ruby and her Sneaky Ways
by JMolover13
Summary: Ruby with the help of Henry decides it's time to get Emma Swan and Regina Mills hooked up. What other way to do it than to sleep with them both, lure them out to a cabin, and trap them both in there? Prompt filled on Tumblr.


**AN: Prompt on Tumblr: ****RedSwanQueen. They're stuck in a cabin (cabana?) for reasons and Red, has been secretly sleeping with Emma and Regina separately, and decides it's time for SwanQueen to happen so they can stop bickering and she can get some sleep. Kind of like Y Tu Mama Tambien.**

**Hope this was alright for the asker, cunextues… I'm not very good at writing smut, so I alluded instead… Really, really hope I did you justice…**

Ruby leaned against the headboard of the bed as she relaxed after a good morning fuck. She petted the blonde curls, that seemed to go everywhere, for a minute or two before she reached for her phone and sent a text.

_Cabin. Now. Can't wait._ She typed.

Not a minute later, she got a response: _Storm is coming. What about Henry?_

_CAN'T WAIT!_ Was all she wrote back.

It took maybe a minute and a half this time: _Alright. On my way._

Ruby smirked as she heard a loud thunder boom in the background. She bit her lip and smiled wide. This was going to happen. They were going to be together weather they liked it or not… Haha, _weather_…they liked it or not. She could slay herself sometimes.

Emma sat up and looked over to Ruby, "What are you doing out of bed?" She asked.

Ruby gave her a look, "I'm not out of bed…"

"You're not laying down so I can surprise fuck you either…"

Ruby rolled her eyes, "I'm sorry!" She said sarcastically, "Would you like me to lay down so you can not-so-surprise fuck me?"

Emma's stomach grumbled, "Nah, I want to eat real food first… don't want to spoil my appetite before dessert…" She waggled her brows. She leaned over and kissed Ruby's sternum before getting up, putting on the boxers she brought for pajamas, foregoing the shirt and going to the kitchen downstairs in the back of the cabin.

Ruby dressed quickly and went out to the front. She was extra glad that she insisted on driving… she knew she had to. She was doing this for the greater good… and for her 10-year-old best friend's greater good… and for the town… She was being a fucking superhero…

She heard the Mayor's car pull up. She heard the door slam shut… she heard thunder. She grabbed the key and twisted it in her hands nervously.

"Rubes… whatch'ya doing?" Emma asked from the kitchen doorway.

"Nothing." Smiled innocently, "Just watching the clouds."

Emma nodded and walked back into the kitchen.

Ruby turned back around and opened the door as she heard the heels begin their click up the stairs. She kissed the Mayor hard and pushed her inside.

"I forgot something in my car, I'll be right back." She gave a saucy wink and shut the door.

She quickly and shakily took the key in her hand and locked it… it was a lock like Cinderella's room… It could be locked from the inside to keep the bad out… but it could also be locked on the inside to keep the good in… and how fucking good this was going to be… Ruby smirked despite how nervous she was.

She dug into her coat and produced the letters both she and Henry composed. She slid them both under the door just as she heard Emma's voice come into the main living room again.

"Hey, Rubes—What the _fuck_?" Emma's eyes were wide with shock that she couldn't even remember that she was naked from the waist up… covered her lower half and luckily her hair covered her mermaid style.

"Miss Swan! What the—cover yourself!" Regina turned from her and tried to get a grip after seeing all that skin she knew she couldn't unsee, "I am out of here." She growled angrily.

Emma ran after her, "Where the hell did Ruby go?" She got to the window and saw Ruby headed for her car, "RUBY!" She pushed Regina out of the way and tried for the door, "RUBY! DON'T DO THIS TO ME! DON'T YOU FUCKING DO THIS TO ME!" But alas! Ruby was in her car after giving her a small smile and driving away just as the storm rolled in. "You fucking bitch…" Emma mumbled under her breath.

"Excuse me!" Regina looked at her with disdain.

"Not you!" Emma stared angrily at Regina for a moment as she watched her start to get up. Regina put her hand out to help her leverage; Emma thought she was asking for help, and since she did feel a little bad for shoving her down she decided to help her up.

"I didn't need _your_ help!" Regina gave her a glare.

"Maybe you are the fucking bitch!" Emma said as she pushed Regina against the door, "What the fuck are you doing here anyways?"

Regina sneered at the blonde holding her against the locked door, "Not that it's any of your business…" She looked straight into Emma's eyes obviously looking for something, but she wasn't even sure herself, "Ruby and I have… and arrangement."

"An arrangement… Like you and Graham had an arrangement? While my son was in the same house?" Emma could sneer as good as she got.

Regina wasn't phased, "Very much like Graham and I had an arrangement." She finally realized just how close Emma's naked chest was to her. Her breath caught in her throat, but she played it off easily, "And by the looks of it, I'd say Ruby has the same arrangement with you."

"We don't have an arrangement." Emma said, "We don't need to be discreet. We're fuck buddies. When we feel it, we do it."

"If you think you don't need to be discreet, then you have no right telling me I'm a bad mother for having sex in the privacy of my own home when my son is either out or asleep. You're probably fucking in public like the dirty trollop you are."

"'Dirty trollop'?" Emma looked at her, "What's that? The name of your lipstick?" the blonde asked with a flip of her hair as she pushed off the door and away from the brunette.

"Yes, what's the name of yours? 'Straight up bitch?'" Regina pushed from the door as well.

"Now why would I buy something with a name like that if I fuck women?" Emma turned around and looked at Regina as she fell into the couch, her hair always keeping cover over her chest, revealing nothing to Regina.

"I figured it was the only straight you'd be." Regina raised her brow as she turned around and looked at the floor. Seeing the envelopes she picked them up.

"O-hoh!" Emma has a slight smirk on her face, "You are witty and have a silver tongue, Madam Mayor, I will give you that one." Emma said, trying her damndest to keep calm and not rip the woman's head off. Emma got up again and looked over Regina's shoulder, "The fuck's that?" Emma asked too close for comfort behind Regina.

"It Ruby's reasoning for leaving…" Regina stepped, almost ran away and sat on the couch as she read the letter, "She wrote that she was doing this for Henry. That if we truly love Henry then we won't tear each other down. And we weren't going to volunteer to trying to spend time together, so she had to use trickery and seduction…" She shook her head and opened the other envelope and read its contents as well. A genuine smile came to Regina's face.

"What's that one?" Emma asked as she perched on the arm of a cushy rocking chair.

"It's from Henry. He wrote, 'Dear Mom and Emma'…" Her smile turned warm, then completely vanished, "'Mom and Emma'… I'm his mother."

"You're one of his mothers. He probably wrote that so you wouldn't kill me because he called me mom too." Emma spat.

Regina gave Emma a death glare, but there was something behind it. Emma could see emotion… real fucking emotion. She felt bad.

"Fuck.. I'm sorry… I'm just pissed. I don't like being locked up. I don't like not having options of going anywhere." Emma said.

"You don't have options, Sherriff." Regina looked up seriously. She gestured to the letter, "This boy… my…" She bit the inside of her cheek as she said the next two words, "Our son…" She looked, really looked to see Emma's reaction, "Needs you. You've already committed whether you knew it or not… And whether you like it or not, you are stuck in Storybrooke until he leaves… if he ever leaves. You're in this for the long haul now."

"I know…" Emma nodded as she gripped the front of the arm of the chair and pushed herself to rock on her hands for a moment, "That's different." She sat back down on the arm.

"How?"

"That's my choice." Emma's voice rose unintentionally. "I'm fucking stuck here, for God knows how long, with the one fucking frustratingly alluring person who wants me to leave the only place I've ever felt a semblance of what the word 'home' should bring." She gave her own death glare to Regina, "How would you feel if you were in my shoes?"

"How would you feel if the biological mother of your son was brought to your town because your son thought you to be some evil queen? How would you feel if you could see your son love someone else and not you after everything you've done and provided him? How would you feel if that very, frustratingly beautiful women took your dead lover's job and ended up fucking the same person you ever found semblance with sense your lover's death? How would you feel if that same woman was sitting before you half naked?" Regina stared at Emma's sternum as she finished.

Emma looked down, just now realizing she didn't have a shirt, "Oh shit…" She thought for a moment then shrugged. She sauntered over to Regina, processing each and every word she said as she did. She didn't bother with pleasantries or apologies, "Frustratingly beautiful?" She asked as she spread her legs and sat astride Regina's lap.

"Frustratingly alluring?" Regina countered as she gently placed her hands on Emma's bare sides.

"You know what you look like, how you speak, the way you move… you've fucking practiced it for God knows how long… of course you're alluring…"

"Is this literally all it is? All our hate? It's just sexual tension?"

"The best kind…" Emma said, "It's the easiest to relieve as well…" Emma then whispered as she zeroed in on Regina's mouth, "I fucking love your lips..your teeth.." Regina stuck her tongue out and licked Emma's lips, "Mmm, fuck! Your tongue too." She said as she dove in for a heated, firework-causing kiss. She started down Regina's neck when they broke for air.

"Mmm," Regina loved that thing Emma was doing to her neck, "Should we take this to the bedroom?"

"Why? We're locked in here… may as well use every fucking surface this place has to offer…" Emma grinned to herself, "Literally every _fucking_ surface…"

Regina looked at her for a long moment then shook her head, "No… I don't want that… I already have that. I need something different…"

"What… like a relationship?" Emma asked.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~

As Ruby watched the lightning and the rain shower the town, and as she heard the thunder roll, she wondered if she did the right thing… Then as she thought about both women… and about what they both love to do to release built up tension, she smirked and grinned wickedly.

"First they'll throw down… then they'll get down." She said to herself as she walked over to her bed and lay down, "And I can finally start sleeping like a normal person, and not fuck and get fucked every night at random hours…" She heard one more rumble of thunder as she drifted off to sleep.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~

Ruby parked her car close to the cabin. She was hoping she had given enough time for the two of them to kiss and make up… for the first time ever. She quietly unlocked the door and crept inside. She heard nothing. _Oh my God… someone died last night… or they both did_. Ruby thought as she walked as quietly as possible.

She got upstairs to the bedroom and walked in to find Emma and Regina asleep. Emma was curled into Regina's side, her head on the Mayor's chest, her arm wrapped loosely around the other woman's stomach. Regina had one hand caught up in Emma's hair and the other hugging the blonde's shoulder, keeping her close. The way they were holding each other was just so…intimate… And not in the way some people say it when they mean they fucked someone, but it was truly intimate… She felt like she was intruding on their privacy.

She turned to leave and go downstairs, but she forgot about the creek in the floor board and it woke them both up.

"Ruby…" Regina said, her voice hoarse and scratchy.

"Is our punishment over?" Emma asked.

"Did you to decide that you are going to get along?" Ruby asked her own question for an answer.

Emma nuzzled into Regina's chest as she looked up at the Mayor, "We decided a lot more than that…" She said almost quietly.

Ruby gasped, "Are you two like…? Like are you guys a couple?"

Regina looked at the younger brunette, "We're figuring it all out… but… I think… I mean, I think so…" She looked at her blonde lover and waited for her lips to turn up so she could peck them.

"Awwwwe," Ruby paused, and knit her brows in immediate frustration and realization, "Wait… if you two are a couple, then will I still get fucked? 'Cause… I got needs too, you know…"

Emma laughed and said, "Now Ruby, what kind of ungrateful people do you think we are? We'll make sure you're taken care of until you find someone…" Emma gave her a wink.

"Oh yeah?" Ruby said saucily.

"Of course, Dear. Now come to bed so we can show our appreciation for locking us in a cabin…"


End file.
